They form part of a lengthy article in Outside magazine that detail the final days of 26-year-old John Allen Chau from Alabama as he sought to reach the Sentinelese people on their island of North Sentinel in the Bay of Bengal, India.

Chau had paid local fishermen to help ferry him to the island. This broke laws intended to protect the Sentinelese, who have had minimal contact with the outside world. Chau believed it to be his God-mandated duty to preach Christianity to them.

The entries show both Chau’s confidence that his actions were right and flickers of self-doubt, quickly overcome by a renewed sense of Christian duty. Over the course of several trips to the island, Chau dropped off gifts such as fish to the tribe, which does not want contact with others.

“I felt some fear but mostly was disappointed they didn’t accept me right away,” Chau wrote on November 15, 2018, after a morning trip to the island dropping off fish, during which he panicked as the Sentinelese drew their bows and yelled at him.

“I can now say I’ve been nearly shot by the Sentinelese and I’ve walked and cached gear on their island. Now I’m resting in the boat and will try again later, leaving gifts on shore and in rocks. Lord protect me and guide me.”

In his ominous penultimate trip, a child fired an arrow—which he described as thin and very sharp—that struck Chau’s waterproof Bible as he held it in front of his chest. “LORD is this island Satan’s last stronghold where none have even had a chance to hear Your Name?” Chau wrote in another entry on November 15.

A third journal entry by Chau reads: “It’s weird—actually no, it’s natural: I’m scared. There, I said it. Also frustrated and uncertain—is it worth me going on foot to meet them? Lord, let Your Will be done. If you want me to get actually shot or even killed with an arrow, then so be it.

“To You, God, I give all the glory of whatever happens. I DON’T WANT TO DIE! Would it be wiser to leave and let someone else continue? […] God, I don’t want to die. WHO WILL TAKE MY PLACE IF I DO?

“OH GOD I miss my parents, my mom and my dad and Brian and Marilyn and Bobby (even though he was just here!) and Christian and someone I can talk to and be understood.”

Chau wrote a letter to his parents, brother, and sister before setting off on what would be his final trip to the island on November 16. “You guys might think I’m crazy in all this but I think it’s worth it to declare Jesus to these people,” Chau wrote.

“Please do not be angry at them or God if I get killed—rather please live your lives in obedience to whatever He has called you to and I’ll see you again when you pass through the veil. Don’t retrieve my body.”

Indian authorities decided not to try to retrieve Chau’s body from North Sentinel Island so as not to disturb further the people living there. Fishermen had spotted the tribe dragging Chau’s body to the beach and burying it.

“We have not tried to contact them for the past many days, and have decided not to continue trying,” an anthropologist involved in the case, who did not want to be named, told The Guardian at the time.

In February, Chau’s father, Dr. Patrick Chau, blamed “extreme Christianity” for pushing his son to a “not unexpected end.”

“If you have [anything] positive to say about religion, l wish not to see or hear,” he told The Observer. “John is gone because the Western ideology overpowered my [Confucian] influence,” he said, referring to the teachings of Chinese philosopher Confucius.